Things you never say to a girl
‘’You really need to learn to
look after your skin’’ – the words jolted Carla away from her phone. They came
from her boyfriend who was lying right next to her, lazily scanning her face.
‘’You, white girls, have no idea how to look after yourselves.’’
Carla stared at him in disbelief.
‘Are you actually saying those words?’’ -
was all she could muster.
Not reading her reaction well, he
continued - ‘’You have that spot on your face and you could’ve prevented it,
you know, and…’’
‘’Enough! What is wrong with you?
Who says THAT to a girl?’’ – Carla roared. Not one to accept insults, she attacked like
an angry tigress, sending the message loud and clear – ‘In the interests of
safety and preservation of manhood, leave the premises immediately.’
The following weekend, when Carla
relayed the story to me over brunch of eggs and coffee, I didn’t dare to ask
what happened to him after that. (Although I do recall reading a story in a
local paper about a man who drove himself to A&E with a folk sticking out
of his face. I guess it could’ve been a coincidence.)
I must admit, I was shocked
myself. I’ve always thought that it was common knowledge not to say certain
things to a girl. The skin comment would be there together with ‘Did you put
some weight on?’, ‘Must be that time of the month’ and ‘How much did those shoes
cost?’ But evidently, the common knowledge memo never reached Carla’s boyfriend
On the way home from brunch I was
trying to think of enraging comments I have heard from men. But at the time I couldn’t
remember a single one.
Later that day, as I was sorting
out some papers in my office, I stumbled across a box of old photos. They
mainly consisted of bad hair styles, poor fashion choices and questionable
taste in men. Most of them made me laugh until I came across I picture of him –
a boyfriend of four years and his remark that haunted me for ages.
It was summer of 2000 and we were
hanging out in my room. He put his hands on my shoulders in that
melt-your-heart romantic way and I thought he was going to kiss me. Instead he
said: ‘’Whoa! You have really broad shoulders!’’
I spent the following few years
avoiding strapless outfits and covering up, without realising I was doing it.
Until one girlie night, when my sister-in-law and I were swapping stories and steadily
emptying a bottle of vodka, I remembered the reason why I didn’t wear
strapless.
‘’Tash, he is hardly a fashion
icon! He is fat, boring and he can’t spell, are you really taking criticism
from that guy??’’ – she shouted without pausing for a breath. ‘’Besides, there
is absolutely nothing wrong with your shoulders’’.
She had a point. I went back to wearing whatever I wanted,
archiving him and the whole experience so deep in my memory, that I needed a
jolt to even remember him.
I put all the photos back into
the box and put it away, but the memory was lingering like a bad smell. I
couldn’t help but wonder, what makes us let people affect our lives with their
language? And if they speak negatively, what makes us stay with them? When does
constructive criticism become destructive?
That night I had a date with Mr
Chateauneuf and as I opened my wardrobe, my eyes went to a red strapless dress
I bought a couple of months earlier. I knew I had to wear it that night.
An hour later as I slid into the
passenger seat next to him, I felt his gaze caressing my shoulders. ‘’Looking
hot hunni’’ – he winked at me and started the car.
I smiled, wondering if he
realised that he had just given me the best compliment I had ever received.